Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
