We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
