I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
