whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize