woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
