we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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