But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
