she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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