how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
