Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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