Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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