drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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