I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
