So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
