I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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