there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
