she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize