1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
