Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
