Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize