Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
