So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize