This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Randomize
