OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
