Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
