You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
