I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
