Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
did i walk over a car last night?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
