Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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