All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
