There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
