so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
