All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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