you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
