I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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