i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
