Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
