Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
