I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
