I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
