just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
