craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
