he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
