just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
