If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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