The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
