I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
