Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
