I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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