we made out on top of his cat.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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