Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize