An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
