I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
