Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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