doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
