Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize