Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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