you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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