i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
