you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
