His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
