I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
