i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
