well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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