dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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