1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
