Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
