Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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