either way he was missing a nipple.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
