i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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