But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I lost the right to judge tonight
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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