Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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