Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
