Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize