Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
